"I don't claim to know everything, but based on my observations of people who do know everything, or claim to, it's not one of the secrets to success anyway."
"If there is no afterlife, then what is life but a rigorous course of study that offers no degree."
"There are personal secrets I am very reluctant to reveal. There would have to be an awkward silence at a cocktail party or a stranger sitting next to me in tourist class."
Just because you support an injustice doesn't mean you will one day become a victim of it yourself, but that would be the opening line in Las Vegas.
We are all biased when it comes to judging ourselves, although it is questionable whether this actually favors the defense.
It is always just one thing. When it goes right, it seems that everything is going right. When it goes wrong, it seems that everything is going wrong. But it is always just one thing. The rest of the "everything" is inconsequential.
"To the cynic, it is risking betrayal, disappointment and ingratitude. To the person of belief, it is ...
The greatest obstacle to joy is a fully paid-up joylessness.
You can look ahead to happiness, or you can look back on it, but it's so hard to notice it to your left or right.
We fancy that we would be happier in some far away place, as if you could catch a plane to a state of mind.
The key to happiness is pretty much the same as the key to worry and anxiety -- you must learn to make a big deal out of nothing.
"One thing you learn in a long marriage is not to assume someone is dead just because they're unresponsive."
I wonder sometimes if you have to do some terribly evil thing to go to hell or whether it's more like a lifetime achievement award, based on your whole body of work.
Sign Over the Gates of Hell
"YES, THIS DOES MEAN YOU'RE A BAD PERSON."
