Monday, May 18, 2015

Random Observations


"Every cat would like to be an only cat, living in a nice clean house."


"George Washington is the only person ever sculpted on horseback who went on to greater things afterwards."


"The only lesson any general ever learned from war is not to invade Russia."


"If you are part of another person's unhappy life, you will eventually be blamed for it."


"Nostalgia is a process by which dreams become memories without having to come true."


"Not everything has to happen to be fondly recalled."


"It's curious that we all think we're going to die although no one now living ever has."


"If the U.S. and Canada weren't there, do you suppose Mexicans would cross illegally into the Arctic Circle?"


It is easier to admit failure and go to Plan B when Plan A has a step that says, "Admit failure and go to Plan B."


"Marriage is a decision usually made too young and on inadequate intelligence."


"Never start taking the blame for others with the idea that you will notified when you can stop."


"Any living creature can be beautiful provided it doesn't have more than four legs."


... and a thousand more in my book, Round Up The Usual Subjects.


~~ Robert Brault

Saturday, May 16, 2015

More From Our Resident Curmudgeon


"Every corporation has a complaint process that begins with someone telling you that you are the first person to ever complain about this."


"For every government screw-up, there's a bureaucrat who isn't the right person to talk to."


"For every HMO screw-up, there's a service operator who isn't to blame and resents your tone of voice."


"Optimism is the belief that there is someone somewhere keeping your health insurer from raising your premium."


"The trick to surviving in the workplace is to always screw up big enough so that it's nobody's fault."


"Just once I'd like to run into a police officer who can handle the situation without needing me to calm down first."


Nobody is ever directly responsible, testimony to the havoc that can be created indirectly."


"As long as there are bad people to do evil things, there will be good people to tell us we are all responsible."


...and a thousand more in my book, Round Up The Usual Subjects.


~~ Robert Brault

Thursday, May 14, 2015

Some Thursday Thoughts


Note:  I have a new sidebar item, "My 2015 Top 25", a collection of the most popular items I've posted on Twitter this year.  It will become the "Top 50" as the year goes slong. 

                                                             ****


Some Thursday Thoughts


"There are more days in a lifetime than any human being can spend wisely, so you see, there's no reason to blame yourself."


"On the Sixth Day, God created man, the sort of result you often get when you go in to work on a Saturday."


"There is no reason to take the blame for every fool thing that happens -- and it's too early, anyway."


"They are also heroes who cheer the parade and return quietly to their uncelebrated lives."


"It is easier to be the hero of the moment than the hero of every drudging hour and every grinding day."


"Life is a thousand opportunities, more if that isn't enough."


...and a thousand more in my book, Round Up The Usual Subjects.  Please do give it a click..


~~ Robert Brault

Monday, May 11, 2015

How To Walk Down The Street


(Our guest expert today is the eminent Professor of Walking Down the Street Robert Brault, Hig.h, Sch, Ool.d, Rop, Out.)


Reader #1 writes: Dear Professor Brault: Sometimes, while walking down the street, I get a pebble in my shoe, causing irritation under my sole or heel. The discomfort is not enough to make me stop and remove the pebble, so I continue along, my walk ruined. What should I do?

Professor Brault answers: This is a common problem. Do this: walk several paces on the side of your foot, working the pebble down under your arch. This will relieve pressure under the sole or heel while causing an excruciating pain under the arch. This should give you incentive to stop and remove the pebble.


Reader#2 writes: Dear Professor Brault: While walking down the street, I suddenly found it difficult to lift my left leg. It seemed stuck to the sidewalk. Is this something you have encountered in your studies of walking down the street?

Professor Brault answers: You most likely stepped on a wad of chewing gum. Wherever children play, chewing gum is likely to be strewn about on account of it's lost its flavor. Do this: Look for a discarded popsicle stick that you can use to scrape off the gum. After you pick up the stick, examine it carefully. Is it orange-colored, or grape-colored or more rust-colored? If rust-colored, it may be root beer or it may be hundreds of tiny rust-colored ants -- the kind that crawl all over popsicle sticks. That would explain the tickling sensation you're beginning to feel all over your body. Never pick up a rust-colored popsicle stick, I should have told you. Quickly scrape the gum off your shoe and call Orkin.

Friday, May 8, 2015

A Baker's Dozen

"Lovers needn't always agree, any more than poetry need always rhyme."


Overheard: "I've learned this about myself -- that beneath the superficial exterior breathes an inner spirit that just wants to party."


"A question to occasionally ask yourself is what you would do if you had your future to live over again."


"The thing to remember about all those happy faces in old family photos is that it's based on the information they had at the time."


"You learn something new every day, especially with a memory like mine."


"Ever have a day when you can't do anything at all because nothing else can wait?"


"Sometimes, even as an optimist, you can have so much tragedy in your life that it gets really annoying."


"It is not sad enough when love dies. We must torture ourselves with the thought that it never was."


"The miracle of the loaves and fishes is nothing compared to the miracle of the 24 hours, which the Lord distributes each day among the multitude such that each gets the whole 24."


It just seems sometimes that you've lived your whole life preparing for an inspection that never happened."


"A wedding is between two people who have discovered they think alike but haven't yet discovered they argue every which way."


"Ever get the feeling that sometime early in life there was a briefing you missed?"


Analyst to patient:  "Would you say that you're in a state of denial?"
Patient:  "No, I deny everything pretty much as it comes up."


... and a thousand more in my book, Round Up The Usual Subjects


~~ Robert Brault

Tuesday, May 5, 2015

Just Like Us?


"We accept the weakness in others that makes them just like us, but we despise the weakness in ourselves that makes us just like them."


"I think a relationship flourishes when two people who once needed each other decide that they would still like to."


Folks who tell you, "Putting it off won't make it any easier," presume there's a point where you plan to stop putting it off.


"The problem, when energetic action is required, is that you are quite certain you will have more energy tomorrow."


It's a tricky word -- "everybody."  When you hear, "Everybody's doing it," it never includes you, and when you think, "Everybody knows that," it never includes anybody else.


"Time heals everything, although not so much a highway bridge built in 1926."


"You get to an age when a class reunion consists mostly of meeting people you thought had predeceased you."


... and a thousand more in my book, Round Up The Usual Subjects.  Please do give it a click.


~~ Robert Brault

Sunday, May 3, 2015

More From Allecia


"Why try to explain miracles to your kids when you can just have them plant a garden."






From "Robert Brault, Wisdom For the Ages", the Facebook gallery of Allecia Alicea-Imboden.