Quotes for the Uptown Crowd
A collection of my personal favorites. If you are looking for the "real me," you will find him here.
If God had intended me to make excuses for who I am, He would have given me better excuses.
It's annoying to be disapproved of by people who know only half the story, especially when you're not sure which half they know.
The trouble with always leaving yourself a way out is that you always take it.
Always laugh off a slight insult, so that people will understand what it means when you're not laughing.
We all have our limitations, but when we listen to our critics, we also have theirs.
Know thyself, especially thyself after a couple of drinks.
We realize we can't have everything, and so begins the mad dash to have everything else.
I complain of the passing years, but then I look in a mirror and realize that very few of them actually got past.
Stay out of the court of self-judgment, for there is no presumption of innocence
There is never an embarrassing silence that can't be turned into a regrettable conversation.
There are more lines formed than things worth waiting for.
Things happen in everyday life that make you consider living your life just every other day.
The first step toward telling the truth is to tell the whole lie.
If you were born with a poker face, play Poker. But, see, most of us were born to play Fish
Life never tires of testing the proposition that life must go on.
There are days when I'm alone with my thoughts, which is to say, not alone enough.
Usually the woman has an appointment with destiny, and the man just happens to be there.
The hardest thing to learn in the game of love is when to fold a winning hand.
There is a logical explanation for everything, often mistaken for the reason it happened.
Though we often wonder why God does what he does, we can be sure he does it on better information.
If there's anything better than a God-given talent, it's a God-given day job.
Often it's just a short swim from the shipwreck of your life to the island paradise of your dreams, assuming you don't drown in the metaphor.
Sign over the gates of hell: "Doesn't mean you're a bad person."
Hamlet at 70: "To sleep, perchance to dream. To awaken, perchance to go to the bathroom."
It's not that I'm a Type-B personality. It's that I'm driven by a passionate, all-consuming desire to take it easy.
My eyesight's gone, my reflexes are shot, and I can't stay awake, but thank God I can still drive.
God is not only all-knowing but all-not-telling.
There are memories I choose not to live with, but we hang out at the same bar.
It's a safe bet that someone who tells you you need to calm down has never actually seen you when you needed to calm down.
A paranoid thinks that sinister forces are out to get him, not realizing that they are out to get everybody.
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a raise.
If indeed the death of a child is part of a larger plan, you wonder if God ever considered a smaller plan.
While I find that I can keep my nose out of other people's business, I do have a curiosity as to their non-business activities.
Every day I go forth to seek my identity, feeling greatly blessed by the things I don't find it in.
It finally happened -- a lawsuit for wrongful doing unto others as you would have them do unto you.
Most often the person you would die for would settle for dinner and a movie.
There is in every truth a wise saying, and in every contradiction, two wise sayings.
The wedding is where two people become one. The marriage is where they decide which one.
There are times when you seek your solitude, and your solitude just wants to be left alone.
Overheard in a Washington D.C. confessional: "Bless me, Father, for sins have been committed."
Whatever you set aside to seek happiness, remember where you put it.
What a blessing to be alone with your thoughts when so many are alone with their inability to think.
There is no harder thing to give up than the thing that was supposed to make you happy.
There are three dimensions of time, two of which contain happier days.
If you allow people to treat you like a doormat, they will expect you to say WELCOME.
What if, instead of a parallel universe, there's a perpendicular universe? Discuss.
Whoever dreamed up Scrabble had an exaggerated idea of how many 7-letter words have five i's.
So I said to myself, "There but for the grace of God go I," only to realize I was looking in a mirror and had seriously overestimated the grace of God.
~~ Robert Brault